Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Since last night the world has been continuously reminding me of how retarded it is...

CNNemax at Midnight

Let's start out with the news I watched yesterday evening. I can't remember what channel it was, but there was an 'exclusive' with Beth Holloway Twitty, Natalie Holloway's (of overexposed Aruba kidnapping fame) mother. This lady... she drove me nuts. She didn't seem the least bit concerned for her daughter; it's beyond that now. But who can blame her? She's famous because of it - so who the fuck cares? The little calendar at the bottom of the screen said she's been missing for like 104 days now - everybody knows the chick's head is mounted on some guy's wall somewhere. I also never realized that Beth Holloway is a politician - Jesus - she was a fucking pro during the entire interview. I kept forgetting who was the victim's mother and who the news anchorwoman was. At one point, Beth even took control of the show and threw a question over to some guy who was an expert in some field (like how much I pay attention to detail?). She basically said 'Now over to you, Dan'. She introduced him... I hadn't seen him before that. It was shocking - I almost pissed myself (Which, coincidentally, was the same reaction the hostess had). This woman had utter control of the entire program.

The most retarded thing of it all, though? The footage being played beside Mrs. Holloway Twitty on the other half of the split screen. Right there, beside Beth Holloway's big fat blonde head, were several home videos of Natalie, scantily clad in an itty bitty, glitter-flashy, dance uniform... shaking her ass on a football field... reeled over and over. I couldn't figure out if I was watching CNN or Cinemax. And I mean they continuously played it... It's grotesque that out of all the hundreds of kidnappings, rapes, and murders that go on in the U.S. and outside of it that we give this much ridiculous attention to one... Did the others not deserve maximum exposure as well?

I guess their dance videos weren't so hot.


Part II: The Morning After

Today, as always, I finished up with my classes and held no intentions other than to get home and relax. I headed to my car, hopped inside, and cranked up the engine.... that's when I noticed it: a small flier stuck on my windshield wiper. I took a second to contemplate just driving off with it still stuck there, but then decided that I'm a bad enough driver without the added danger of a piece of paper stuck on my windshield... The situation could erupt into a bloodbath for soo many different reasons. So I get out of the car and yoink it off of my vehicle; I then look around at the other cars in the parking lot... No fliers on their cars. Damn those who attempt to obstruct the view of my front window! I now have two choices: chuck the index card-sized paper onto the gravel, or give it a chance. I don't like pollution, so it was option B. The card read 'THE REVOLUTION' in bold, psychedelic lettering. The front displayed purple and blue glazed photos of young, attractive, hip teenagers posing, making 'Come and get it' gestures.

Definitely a church flier.

I read the first two paragraphs which were the usual evangelistic mumbo jumbo aimed towards teens... "Revolution has tens of thousands of members... Revolution is a young adult based ministry formed in Jacksonville... Something about Christ..." Bla Bla Bla (paraphrased, of course). How these sheep found the (most likely) only agnostic person's car in the entire parking lot is beyond me... but I guarantee they didn't count on that person having a humor blogsite with the sole purpose of mocking exactly such things. The last laugh is mine... and it came with the ending sentence (and I quote):

"At REVOLUTION we care about our city and it is our aim to make it hard to go to hell in Jacksonville."

Well, thank God for that.


Is this Completely Appropriate?

On arriving home, after the flier incident, I went to check the mail - nothing special, as always. I noticed that there was a little magazine with a fall scarecrow on the cover and it interested me. The magazine was called 'Fleming Island Life', which is odd because I don't live in Fleming Island, but that's neither here nor there. I flipped through a few pages, and one article caught my eye in particular. It was entitled "New Orleans Style Fall". Now you tell me if this is insensitive or not: the description above the first paragraph began...

"Florida and New Orleans have a lot more in common than just football and hurricanes..."

That just sounds like the beginning of a bad joke to me... Like the next line was going to read, "We're also both surrounded by water."