Another Reason to Feel Badly About Yourself

Little Johnny cries himself to sleep every night knowing he'll never make the cut

It seems Myspace has adopted a new feature.

I was browsing around my home page... and yes, I do Myspace... just like everyone else on this damn planet... and I noticed that in my 'Friends' section there was little, glowing red and blue lettering. On closer inspection I noticed that it said "Change my 'top 8'!"

Apparently this option was created to give us Myspacers the ability to control who gets to show up as a "friend" on our main webpage or not... Basically: show who we deem worthy and hide the rest of the assfaces from view.

Immediately I felt the tinge of rejection coming on. Just like junior high... and yet another way to make me feel left out from the cool kids and alienate me through worries of judgment. Will I make the final cut? Will I? Will I?

Thanks for bringing that competitive edge into every aspect of your site, Myspace. It's supposed to be a "Place for friends"... A haven for internet geeks everywhere... and let's not forget about the creepy stalkers either.

... I'm having people fight to the death for my 'top 8' spaces.

And now, if you'll excuse me... there are a few douche bags I have to eradicate from the face of my main page.