News Flash: Scientists are Huge Fucking Nerds

BBC News - 10th Planet has Moon Companion

Apparently in July scientists announced that they have discovered a 10th planet in our solar system... This, of course, was overshadowed by other, more important topics--such as Tom Cruise being a crazy person, Tom Cruise getting married, and Tom Cruise being a crazy person.

Aah--Scientology defeats the purpose of science yet again.

However, the situation can no longer be ignored... for now it involves Hollywood--at least, that is, it involves a crappily made cable television show from the 1990s.

Currently, the planet has been dubbed Xena; the moon will be called
Gabrielle until official names are agreed.

Both "codenames" come
from characters in a US TV series, Xena: Warrior
Princess."

After all Lucy Lawless has given us... It's nice to see the populous giving back by immortalizing her in the stars

...because shitty spin offs of even shittier shows deserve to be seared painfully into our memory banks for all eternity.

Oh wait... No; they don't.

One of the scientists involved, who I'm estimating is around the age of 14, had this to say:

"Having a moon is just inherently cool - and it is something that most self-respecting planets have, so it is good to see that this one does, too."

Well, thank God. We wouldn't want a planet with low self-esteem, now would we? She might develop anorexia from all the other planets' playground badgering. It's tough being the new kid... Especially if you can't even afford your own moon :(

After his statement, Dr. Brown (the LOTR lifetime fanclub member who is quoted above) and colleagues retired to a back room where they proceeded to eat gross amounts of ice cream, play D&D and jerk off to old episodes of 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'.

"Inherently cool."


Pictured: The planet and its sidekick moon

If geeks are going to take over... Why did they have to be tasteless geeks? Couldn't they at least have the things named after something dorky yet awesome?

Here's my vote...


Planet Fucking Death Star.


...and Darth Moon.



In other completely unrelated yet totally more important news:

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are expecting a baby abomination

That's it--I'm fucking moving to Xena.


(Thanks to Matt S. and Matt G. for the great news articles--Contributions noted.)