Let's Talk About Sex... At Work

As most of you already know... I work in a department store for a living. I'm a shopgirl... selling men's clothing to pissy, old women and their pervy husbands. Being that this is not the career I want for myself, I don't much care about the job. I should have been fired five hundred times by now... I'm late almost every day, I don't care about it, and I just get snappier with the customers as time goes on. The funny thing is, the grouchier and more condescending I get, the nicer they are. Yesterday I solidified that this is not the job for me when I stood around and had inappropriate conversations with my gal pal all day long in front of the old bags. Here are a few tid bits that some lucky senior citizens got to overhear....

As an elderly gentleman looks through the pants right beside me:

Me: "What..? You think Michael Douglas really cheated on Catherina Zeta-Jones? Why would he do that?.. He's OLD!" (continued negative chatter about old men...)

Friend: "He's Michael Douglas.. You know he was a big player in his day.."

Me: *pause* "Yeah, nevermind... You're right. I'd still screw him."

As a middle-aged woman walks around the register, waiting for me to ring up her socks...

Friend: "He looked me up and down when I walked by... What do you think that means? That he likes me or that he doesn't want to talk to me anymore?"

2nd friend: "Oh yeah he likes..."

Me: "He wants to have sex you... Old pervert. He's just trying to get in your pants . . .
Did you need help with something ma'am?"

At the top of the escalator, while greeting customers...

Me to friend: "Jason Bateman is so sexy. I bought 'Arrested Development' on DVD today... I just really, really want to have sex with him. If you were my friend you'd kidnap him so I could rape him. I'd really like that."

That last one pretty much repeated throughout the rest of the day.

Mild language, really... but when you know the types of stuck-up, in-your-face, over-zealous, religious cheapos that come into that place... Well, I'm surprised none of them called the store manager... who I would also contemplate having sex with. He's prrretty attractive, if you know what I mean. *wink, knudge, wink*