More Proof that God Hates Me

Today a co-worker of mine came up to me and asked if I was the one in the parking lot the other night, standing in the rain with a bag over my head.

The answer to that question was yes; and let me explain to you why that is.

It's a dark, dingy evening. The parking lots are flooded from the heavy rains brought on from, I can only assume, Hurricane Katrina. After a long, hard day's work of standing around and doing nothing, I am eager to retreat to the comfort of home and a good 14 hours sleep. Excitedly I race out of the now broken elevator and burst through the backdoor of the store... straight into a freezing-ass cold monsoon (The scientific name for it). Like a frightened mouse, I find myself slinking back into the store.

Then I remember... plastic shopping bags! "Genius", I think... and immediately run behind the nearest register, grab a fashionable baggy, and don the slick-looking, new hat over my head.

Filled with a new sense of courage and determination, I slip outdoors and triumphantly run to my car, all the while praying that no one will hit a blind, bag-head girl.

After three miles of running through the rain (it could have been more like three feet... but who's counting?) I finally reach my destination. I have defied and braved the elements, and can finally bid farewell to the hell-hole in which I am forced to work every day....

Or so I thought.

I turn the key in the ignition with one swift move - and nothing. Not a sound. Not a cough or a rattle. I am stranded in my car, in the middle of the night, whilst the sky falls all around me (In the form of water, no less!).

...and this is basically the point of the story. All nonesense aside, I had a loose connection to my battery - all I have to do is wiggle a few wires, get lucky, and the car should start enough to get me home. The problem is that the rain is nonestop and is truly pounding down like nobody's biz. Eventually though, after the first signs of heat exhaustion and a whole lot of whimpering, I decide "Screw you, waiting for the rain to slow down!" I then squeel and run out into the treacherous flood; then I squeel again and run back into the sanctity of the car. This part of the story repeats itself four times.

Word to the wise: Bags do not keep you very dry.

Finally, my car starts... and I drive along on my merry way*.

... But apparently not before my co-workers got a nice glimpse of me drenched, with a big, white bag over my head, working under the hood of my car. I can only imagine some of the theories they came up with.




*Merry way* - Soaking fucking wet to the undergarments, and cold and rain-smelly as hell.

When Life Hands You Vibrator Jokes... Make a Blog

I bet she's got a vibrator


Today classes for Fall term began. I had Art History and Algebra (because I'm a dummy). My Algebra teacher is a 55-ish year old woman who, luckily for me, behaves like a retired commedienne. She seems like a very nice and funny lady... I was very pleased about my picking her to teach me.

So she was going over the Attendance/Tardy nonesense that I have to listen to 800 times everytime I start a new semester... and a fairly young, semi-chubby, sweet girl offered the information that her phone has certain ringtones set for if there's an emergency with her children, and that if her cell ever rang that way and she went running out of the room that it was merely because of the emergency. The kindly, aged comedienne teacher then asked the girl...

"Do you have a vibrator?"

To which the girl replied, "Yes."

...And that's when my body turned into stone.

I was frozen in the sublime humor of the situation... it was so damn funny that I couldn't even move. I couldn't laugh. I just had to sit there with my chin propped against my palm... my innards bursting with glee.

Thank god for old people who don't know technological terms.

The poor woman... she kept her composure and stayed as cool as DeNiro in 'The Godfather', but she had the same frozen expression on her face as myself... She looked like someone had just discovered her dildo.

... and the whole two and a half minutes that I was frozen in hilarity all I could think was, "So going to blog this; so going to blog this; sooo going to blog this."

Things That Make Me Smile

Another random oddity that puts a smile on my face: Giant, pink, floaty, pissing balloon dog


This is hands down, easily the sweetest thing I've ever seen. It is almost unbearably adorable... I want to bite its head off. Is that wrong?


Is it creepy that once, when I was extremely depressed, I listened to it for three hours straight and cried myself to sleep? That's not creepy or pathetic... right? No, I didn't think so.

http://www.e-thug.net/

The site name is enjoyably deceiving. Ignore the scrolling idiocy - that was never there before. Just focus in on the cat-bread. Awwww, singing cat-bread. :)

Education of a Junior High Drop Out

I have an older half brother. He is 31 years old. He is so ridiculously stupid that it causes me to write in short bursts of sentences.

Today, on seeing my younger sister, she relayed something to me that said half brother shared with her yesterday.

Apparently he was watching the Science channel... and so asked my sister if she knows that "the universe is expanding." Said sister refused to dignify question with answer... even after three more inquiries. So he continued on with his remarkable, unprecedented discoveries... "Do you know what gravitational pull is?"

And my personal favorite...

"Yeah - there's talk of the universe doing one of two things... the gravitational pull will make the universe collapse.... or...."

Get ready for it....

"...the universe will keep expanding and expanding until..."

.........

...............

......

"...it expands into OTHER UNIVERSES"!!!!!!!!!


%^+%^&#%#%?&^*%&((($#@!@@?@#YH^H@@#$%^&*((%%##%^&*#$?&

On hearing this story... I went into short bouts of weeping and untranslatable wails. Part of my brain died.

I then proceeded to gouge my eyes out with a tube of lipstick.

The Sweet Smell of Sex-cess

A screenshot from Paris's commercial. This is the moment right before Paris demonstrates the perfume bottle's multiple purposes


Paris Hilton's new perfume just hit our store's fragrance department today.

The fragrance, named after the blonde-tressed heiress, is called: 'Bottled Whore'.

...but if smelling of bad Italian, booze, and porn isn't quite your style, how about the scent of trailer trash and 'one hit wonder'? In that case, opt for Britney Spears's 'Curious'.

Either way, you'll be all the rage amongst filthy rich, and just plain filthy, white boys.



Oh, Paris... You're the only place in which the Eiffle Tower fits.

Aaah... The Power of Pee

Turns pee into POWER!!!!!!



MUHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!


Urine Battery Turns Pee Into Power


...The National Geographic article that gives this picture a whole new spin. That kindly, old man isn't beligerant, indecently exposed, and maniacally relieving himself in that person's gas tank - he's being a good neighbor and refueling the car itself, mostly free of charge.



Hey - that golden shower has the energy of a AA battery, my friend. You think about that next time you're wasting your urine by flushing it down the toliet. Why don't you just leave your faucet running for hours at a time, WASTER!!

Just a Friendly Reminder

Don't mind me whilst I bang my head against the wall 'Raging Bull' style


Note to self:


Next time life, tedium, work, and the opposite sex make you want to play marco/polo in rush hour traffic - go ahead and cut yourself. Do NOT, however, under any circumstance, ravage the kitchen for scraps of sweet alcoholic relief, and in turn consume year old Kahlua Mudslide.

No matter how depressing life is, it is much, much more depressing while you're sticking your head in the toliet like one Mary Kate Olsen.

Oh, sue me.

I'll Have What They're Smoking

I always knew there were real-life superheroes out there among us... or that people in Serbia were crazy; but aren't the two just one and the same?

Courtesy of Ananova:


Superman spotted in Serbia

Serbian authorities are investigating reports of a real-life Superman after people claimed to have seen a cloaked figure flying over their houses.

Hundreds of residents in Ljubovija described seeing a cloaked person flying above buildings "as if he had an invisible engine on his back" and changing directions while in mid-air, local daily Blic reported.

One local said: "It was like something out of Superman or Batman. No one has any rational explanation for what we all saw."

Police in the town have refused to comment.


Little did the Serbians know that the famous paraglider, Pablo Sumanesca Mincelli, whose aerial acrobatics have already stunned the world over was vacationing in town that weekend:



Even so, it is common knowledge that the simplest theory is always the correct one, and therefor the only conclusion which can be drawn here is that the flying 'hero' which the Serbians sighted was none other than...





El Chupacabra.

The Newest Clickable

Why do I think this is sooo funny when it is obviously one of the more offensive things I've ever seen??


Uhh, yeah. Nice car, clothes, and girl you got there, champ.




This week's link brought to you by Jason.

My Brush With Eternal Damnation

The following is an IM conversation from which I just barely escaped with my soul...


(Screen names have been altered to protect the identites of those involved)






FilmGirl [4:28 AM]: ‡‡What am I finally starting to realize?†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:28 AM]: and what the hell are those weird symbols in my sentence?†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:28 AM]: i cant relinquish that information†DeltaMunk†‡
DeltaMunk [4:29 AM]: weird symbols?†DeltaMunk†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: I'm scared†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMun [4:29 AM]: what†DeltaMun†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: everytime I type.....†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: *FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: †FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: I'm scared†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:29 AM]: what†DeltaMunk†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: everytime I type.....†FilmGirl†‡†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: What the hell is that?†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: What the hell are those crosses?†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:29 AM]: It's like The Exorcist online!!!†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMun [4:30 AM]: i dont see 'em†DeltaMun†‡
DeltaMun [4:30 AM]: ha ha†DeltaMun†‡
FilmGirl [4:30 AM]: Tell me you see that!†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:30 AM]: better get out of there....i saw when u copy and pasted†DeltaMunk†‡
FilmGirl [4:30 AM]: What are they?!?!!†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:30 AM]: My computer is cursed†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:31 AM]: I knew I should have left those Christian boys alone and stopped spreading my heathen "logic"... †FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:31 AM]: And never said all those bad things about Tom Cruise!†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:31 AM]: This is one of the signs before a computer screen open ups and the devil rips through Hell†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:32 AM]: It has my screenname in those things... I'm cursed†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMun [4:32 AM]: it was definitely the tom cruise comments†DeltaMun†‡
FilmGirl [4:32 AM]: Are you dead?†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:32 AM]: not that i know of†DeltaMunk†‡
FilmGirl [4:32 AM]: Oh god... I thought the curse got you†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:32 AM]: ur funny†DeltaMunk†‡
DeltaMun [4:33 AM]: ill protect u†DeltaMun†‡
FilmGirl [4:34 AM]: Scary upside down Exorcist crosses†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:34 AM]: With my NAME in them†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:34 AM]: who'd u piss off†DeltaMunk†‡
FilmGirl [4:34 AM]: Let's see....†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:35 AM]: Feminists, Republicans, Christians, Scientologists..†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:35 AM]: oh... and God.†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:35 AM]: Which would explain a lot†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:35 AM]: He's mad because I called Jesus a power ranger†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:35 AM]: Which when you think about it is actually kind of a compliment†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:36 AM]: ..As long as you're not concerned about ratings. Or dignity.†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:36 AM]: power rangers were the shyt back in the day†DeltaMunk†‡
FilmGirl [4:36 AM]: That seriously is the least of my concerns right now.†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:36 AM]: But yes - they were.†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:37 AM]: Quick - go find me a dying priest!†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:38 AM]: It's obviously the end of the world†FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:40 AM]: I knew I should have stopped praying to the devil every night†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:40 AM]: michelle†DeltaMunk†‡
DeltaMun [4:40 AM]: its over†DeltaMun†‡
FilmGirl [4:40 AM]: No...†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMun [4:40 AM]: im sorry. im the last person u'll ever talk to....†DeltaMun†‡
FilmGirl [4:40 AM]: So what you're saying is... we should cyber? †FilmGirl†‡
FilmGirl [4:41 AM]: I shouldn't die a cyber-virgin when I go to virtual hell?†FilmGirl†‡
DeltaMunk [4:41 AM]: good point†DeltaMunk†‡

Needless to say, my soul is still seemingly intact; also, Kyle still hasn't returned any of my phone calls since the cyber sex.


*Anything italicized was a copy and paste

Almighty Morphin' Jesus Christ

Every once in a while I go momentarily insane, whereas home decor is concerned. Feng Shui attacks, domestic rampages - call them what you will - I have them.

Why, just a few nights ago I went into one of these frenzied fits of furnishings while stuck at home with my younger sister. Around 1:30 A.M. I forced her off of the computer, into the car, and eventually to Wal-Mart, the only store still open past 9 o'clock.

It seems I always somehow end up at Wal-Mart in the wee hours of the night - except, of course, when Hootie and the Blowfish are playing.

So after a while I spot a wall filled to the brim with art prints for $1.00. "Can't beat that", I think... knowing how expensive prints are normally. There are piles and piles of these things, and though the image of my sister and I deliriously rummaging through barrels of pictures in Wal-Mart at 3:00 A.M. while the poor Wal-Mart associates have to grit their teeth and tolerate our trademark, family humor is amusing enough within itself... the highlight of the trip was not our annoying presence, my senseless quest, nor our self-amusing jokes, but the golden discovery of one magical print in particular.

I was completely unaware of Jesus Christ's cameo on 'The Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers' until that moment.

There it was - I held the proof in my hands, in front of my face: a painting of Jesus Christ, draped in robes suitable to a warrior, sitting on a throne of gold, and get ready for it...

...leaning against a perfectly erect, glowing red, mechanical spear.

It blew my mind away...

#$#^%^*%^%@#%#$^&@VWFCAQ#A$Q2df&%**#$

Yeah, right there... that was my mind being blown away!

Just picture any weapon that would be appropriate for a bad, Japanese superhero TV show, with the same lighting. I know that this is asking a lot of your imaginations, and it is indeed much better to witness than to describe... which is why I intend to venture back into that Wal-Mart, purchase said print of Jesus Christ Superhero, and scan it onto this very laptop - for all your sakes.

Jesus: Kicking your soul's ass into salvation.

With Great Power, Comes Great Responsibility

News today:

Once again, the universe provides more proof that it does, in fact, revolve around my conversations.

Immediately after posting the Eva Longoria blog (below), I found myself tuning in to watch Conan O'brien... and what a surprise! Eva Longoria was the special guest! And what does Eva Longoria want to talk about? Her vibrator! Oh Eva and vibrator... you are but a mere subplot in the otherwise vital routine that is my every day thought process.

Trust me, folks... this is an every day occurrence. The same thing has happened with Sandra Bullock and her appearance on The Daily Show (sans vibrator). I'm still deciding what to do with my uncanny control over life as we know it, and I'm open to suggestions.

Double the Fun

I have no idea who this child is, nor what his connection with the word 'double' as searched through Google is, but his picture made me chuckle

Due to your present state of neglect, and my lack of entertainment value this month... I shall gift you with not one, but two links of the week:

Lust of Bust (Say "Thank you, Matt")

The Sith Sense (And as always... Jason finds a way to satiate my Star Wars link hunger)


Enjoy, kiddies.

Jacksonville's 15 Minutes

I happened across this little description on the Fark site:

Ever wonder what happened to Hootie and the Blowfish? Us neither but if anyone
does care they're playing a gig at the Jacksonville WalMart

..and clicked the First Coast News link to find this article:

JACKSONVILLE, FL -- Hootie and the Blowfish fans got to see the band play at a local Wal-Mart Supercenter. The band made an appearance to sign autographs at the Wal-Mart Supercenter on Atlantic and Kernan Boulevards around noon today. They gave a preview performance from their new album "Looking for Lucky".

They will also be performing tonight at the Florida Theater.

Created: 8/18/2005 9:07:14 AM
© 2004-2005 First Coast News. All rights


I can't believe I missed such an awesome opportunity... the opportunity to laugh in the face of someone who was once famous and who now plays at Wal-Marts in Jacksonville. If that's how celebrities hit rock bottom... Pardon my absence while I go wait for a few incredibly sexy, borderline-suicidal, male actors to come find me in the Electronics aisle.

Pull Out the Dream Book

Oh, it wasn't nearly as hot as all that

Earlier today I took a nap before going to work. During said nap, I had a rather interesting dream. In the dream I was an exotic dancer, but not just any exotic dancer... an exotic dancer/spy in the 1930s who resembled one Naomi Campbell donning a dominatrix outfit. Odd - I know.

I just thought I'd share that with all of you.

Any takers on a psychoanalysis?

Real American Hero

Courtesy of Chas Blackman and his awesome Must Not Sleep ...(I told you that I was going to yoink it), and the Associated Press:


Drunk man stole snack truck, sought cash for more beer

BUFFALO, N.Y. (AP) -- First he stole a potato chip delivery truck, then he tried to sell its cargo for $5 so he could get a beer. That's according to police in Buffalo, New York, where a man was arrested yesterday and charged with driving while intoxicated, grand larceny and other offenses.

Police say the man drove off in a Frito-Lay delivery truck after the driver left the keys in the ignition.

A witness told police that the man stepped out of the truck with a box of chips and offered to sell the whole truck for $20, but said he'd settle for $5 because he wanted a beer.

Officers say the man hit two parked cars before he was apprehended while trying to hide behind a building. Authorities say he had a blood-alcohol content of .26 -- more than three times the legal limit.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Don't Say I Never Gave You Anything, Boys

What could be better than the gift of a fantasy?



A reposting of the Ananova story:


Eva's love of vibrators

Eva Longloria has been told off after confessing her love of vibrators.

Eva was sent hundreds of sex aids after the confession in a magazine interview.

She said: "People sent them to me by the truckload. Boxes and boxes and boxes. I gave them to all my girlfriends."

But bosses at ABC, which makes Desperate Housewives, were not so amused.

Eva said: "ABC said: "Will you please stop saying vibrator"."


You're welcome. :)

On the Sauce

Just inject it straight into my bloodstream


I am an absolute crackwhore for TGI Friday's honey mustard sauce.

Today I went there for lunch and ordered the chicken fingers. I made a frighteningly desperate scene in front of my server... begging him to bring me bushells of the aforementioned sauce. I can't quite be certain, but I would swear up and down that I saw a hint of fear gleam in his eye for a moment while he stood there, staring at me.

He brought me soooo much sauce.

..and when I had some leftovers... I made it clear to him that he had to bring me a little, portable sauce container with my box. Never enough sauce - never.

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire (With the Glowing Flame of Evil, Apparently)

I take it back; whatever thing I said was the funniest thing I've ever seen before was a lie. I lied. I'm a liar. This is the new funniest thing I've ever seen:

Sex is for FAGS! - Boys Abstinence-Only Education Coolness Program

This section was especially hilarious..

Abstinence-Only Advice: 10 Things That Cool Boys Are Doing Instead of Being Lame and Queer and Having Sex

Thanks for the contribution, Tripper. :)

So My Jokes are a Bit on the Shitty Side

There is nothing I could say to make this news story any funnier.

Icy poo prompts burglar alert

It's a magical day in news when they start inserting 'poo' into headlines.


Also... Google just provided me with this lump of humor:

The Turds™

It's been a shitty day, folks.

Art of the Threatening Cartwheel

The most entertaining protestor that ever was.

Thirty-seven year old artist, Mark McGowan, is protesting the collecting of stones off beaches by cartwheeling from Brighton to London (57 miles).

McGowan isn't new to the game (of protesting - it is unclear what his background in cartwheeling is like).

One example is of his protest two years ago when McGowan pushed a 'monkey nut' down an entire street using just his nose. (Picture and synopsis here: Sky News)

For his cartwheeling quest he will be tying 12 pound rocks around his ankles and 18 sticks of rock taped onto his face.

Protest cartwheel from Brighton to London

I'd tip my hat off to him if it hadn't fallen off just now while I was protesting the death penalty.


***UPDATE*** I just found these little tidbits, accompanied by photographs, on Skynews***UPDATE***

A Short History of Mark McGowan's Protests



On May 5, 2005, McGowan stood outside Downing Street and kissed a photograph of Prime Minister Tony Blair 100,000 over an eight-hour period, in support of his re-election.



In April, 2004, McGowan dragged a television attached to his ear for six miles through the streets of Milan, in protest against excessive political control over the media in Italy and other countries.




In November, 2004, McGowan sat in a bath of baked beans with sausages strapped to his head and two chips stuck up his nose for two weeks in support of the traditional fried British breakfast.


*********************************************************************************


I think he might be harming more than helping. I mean, he makes me want to do something really, really terrible just so I can see him protest it. That's incentive enough for the government to misbehave right there.

Don't Act Like You're Not Impressed

It seems I'm formulating a tradition. Once a week I will attempt to drain Google (and willing friends) for all the funny links they're worth. Some already good ones are located here: Because I know that No One Who is Reading this is Cool

Here's one that a friend of mine discovered a while ago, and I didn't remember about until my sister recently e-mailed it to me in all of her repulsed, hypnotized stupor:

http://www.izpitera.ru/lj/tetka.swf

It's creepy... but you can't take your eyes off. Feel free to click on any part of the lifeless body in order to orchestrate your own display of sickening acrobatics.

What freakazoid took the time to do this and pay so close attention to detail?!.. because I'd like to shake his or her hand: That is damn impressive.

'Better to be Pissed off than Pissed On'

Picture this:

A bright, young, brunette woman is sitting on her bedroom floor, fully engrossed in writing on her laptop. As innocent as a schoolchild, she tinkers away on her blog - unsuspecting of the traumatic event which lies just moments away from her.

Enter a small, white Chihuahua. Carefree yet precise is his path as the tiny, snowball of devilry fiendishly scampers directly toward the self-amused, young lady. Here he reaches his destination: beside the thigh of the cross-legged femme. Without hesitation, he slyly lifts his leg... and begins to relieve himself on aforementioned thigh, as naturally and merrily as a drunkard pissing behind a building.

The previously entertained blogger notices a warm feeling trinkling down her side, and pauses to hope that it has no connection with the mischevious pup whom she had just seen frolicking into the room through the corner of her eye. She turns, and realizes the horrible truth that she has just been used as a fire hydrant.

Immediately, she rises to her feet and chases the half-drained urine bearer out of the room; but it's too late. The damage has been done, and so the perplexed girl proceeds to the sanctuary of shower... formulating plans of righteous revenge.

Edy's A Miracle!

That's it. I've discovered it - the eighth wonder of the world.

Edy's Slow Churned, Rich & Creamy, LIGHT French Silk ice cream.

FYI - I do not like anything that is: light, has reduced fat, reduced calories, reduced carbs, or reads 'diet' on the label; but this... this is... not of this world... simply... sublime.

It's like if Heaven were a French guy who looked like Brad Pitt, was made out of swiss chocolate cheesecake, who was as hypnotically sexy as Gerard Butler, was as adorable as Jason Bateman, and possessed the ability to pleasure a woman like I imagine only Zeus could...

Nope - it's still better.

My Kingdom For a Dime!

The circle of life and the circle of the dime.. Coincidence? I think not.

Aaah, how everything in life comes full circle.

Today I went to pick up my younger brother and sister from their first day back at school. Since we were all starving, I decided that I would treat them both to lunch. On our way to the cheapest place I could think of (a Mexican food restaurant known as La Napolera), my brother, Michael, decided that he wanted to go on about his day, and for one reason or another, felt it was worth it to mention his purchasing candy in a snack machine, and then turning around to pawn his leftover change onto the kid behind him in line. I interrogated him as to why he would do such a thing, and he responded "It was just a dime."

Later, when I went to pay for our meals at the restaurant, I was digging through my change purse to find the exact amount ($14.23 - I'm a stickler for using correct change), but I was short a bit. I stated to my sister beside me "If only I had ten more cents..." In response, my sister, Amanda, offered "Why don't you ask Michael if he has a dime?.."

Then, as I turned toward my brother to inquire about his coin situation, my sister remarked oh-so-coyly, "Ohhh, thaat's right - he gave it awaaay."

Aaah, fate. How many dimes were transacted this day? If only Michael hadn't given his coin away I could have paid with exact change; though, admittedly, the good laugh that followed was worth at least ten cents.

But What the $%*&!# Does 'Ennui' Mean?!

Today kiddies, thanks to my friend, Kyle's, inquiry as to the meaning, we're going to learn what 'ennui' means. I'd also like to give all three of my readers a chance to better understand why I named my blogsite so...

Courtesy of Dictionary.com:


en·nui ( P ) Pronunciation Key (n-w, nw)n.

Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest; boredom: “The servants relieved their ennui with gambling and gossip about their masters” (John Barth).


[French, from Old French enui, from ennuyer, to annoy, bore. See annoy.]

Word History: Were they alive today, users of Classical Latin might be surprised to find that centuries later a phrase of theirs still survives, although as a single word. The phrase mihi in odi est (literally translated as “to me in a condition of dislike or hatred is”), meaning “I hate or dislike,” gave rise to the Vulgar Latin verb *inodire, “to make odious,” the source of the Old French verb ennuyer or anoier, “to annoy, bore.” This was borrowed into English by around 1275 as anoien, our annoy. From the Old French verb a noun meaning “worry, boredom” was derived, which became ennui in modern French. This noun, with the sense “boredom,” was borrowed into English in the 18th century, perhaps filling a need in polite, cultivated society.


ennui

n : the feeling of being bored by something tedious [syn: boredom, tedium]

Here is an example of what ennui might look like:



Boredom, tedium... These words indeed describe my every day life here in Orange Park, Florida... and therefore I felt that Chronicles of Ennui would be a very appropriate blog title.

Look... You guys are learning! Not only is my site amusing on occassion, but educational as well!

Now it's time for YOU, the reader, to get interactive! I'm not talking interactive like see me at a bar and try to get me to take my top off, but interactive like post your thoughts.

What did you think 'ennui' meant when you first read it? Leave a comment.

Leave a comment or I will slit your damn throat. :D

Have a nice day!

It's Good to be a Geek

Well, I know I've already posted a blog with a compiled list of hi-larious Star Wars-related links (Because I know that No One Who is Reading this is Cool), but this link deserves its own seperate posting:

Backstroke of the West

That absolutely calls for a standing ovation.

And this... The Most Adorable Mind-Boggler of Them all

It's cute blog day here at Chronicles of Ennui: nothing but teddy bear vacations and magical bouncy ball free fallings.

I couldn't even link this story; it's too much - only a re-posting would do. Story is courtesy of Ananova.com, with a contribution of photgraphs Googled by yours truly:


Holidays for teddy bears

Holidays for teddy bears are being offered by a German travel agent.

(Aah, the arduous life of a teddy. How difficult it is to be loved and held incessantly. Teddy needs a vacation!)

Christopher Boehm and Elke Verheugen promise "The holiday of a teddy's lifetime with a host of activities to tempt teddy away from the loving arms of his owner for a week or two."

As well as his own room in a luxury Munich flat teddy organiser Boehm said: "Often, bears or other stuffed toys have gone through a lot and a vacation is a great opportunity for the real man's best friend to see something different for a change."

(Where your teddy bear will be staying)

The teddies spend an action packed week sightseeing, playing games and visiting a traditional teddy bears picnic, followed by a visit to a Munich beer house.



Teddy owners can also choose special activities to suit the nature of their faithful friend. Fishing, golfing, painting, and even bungee jumping and paragliding are offered, all with pictures teddy can take home to his loving owner.



Prices range from 68 pounds for locals to 100 pounds for international teddies.

Boehm says business is booming he said: "We host a tour group of up to a dozen teddies around every four weeks. The people love this idea.



I'm sorry, but if that wasn't the cutest and most mind-blowing story - I just don't know. I almost died trying to find those pictures... Cuddly teddy bears are like a woman's kryptonite. To plug Michelle Collins one time...

"Slam him shut - He's adore."

You can't pay for that kind of advertising, Michelle.

One Magical Day at Filbert & Leavenworth

Have you ever wondered what 100,000 bouncy balls would look like if you dropped them from a building? Well, I know I sure did.. Until I came across this on Flickr; and you know what? 100,000 bouncy balls looks like pure glory, my friend... Puure glory.


Another triumphant shot of the display, for your viewing pleasure:



filbert & leavenworth on Flickr

The Worst Story Of All Time

So I was driving to work today.. made a promise (according to my schedule) to be there by 1 P.M., but en route a storm developed out of nowhere. All of a sudden everyone was getting out of their cars and standing in the street, staring at it... and then I had an epiphany: "That's sooo weird - the wind is blowing toward the storm," I said. Then the ground below opened up to reveal the alien life form planted all those innumerable years ago... He had this big, goofy grin on his face... and he was so hyper. He kept jumping up and down on cars and yelling all sorts of none-sensical things about Katie Holmes and Scientology and Brooke Shields and drugs... I mean, it was really frightening. People were running and screaming, but he just kept chasing us down... You could literally see everyone's brain cells as they got vaporized by his ranting!!! One right after the next! I feared for my life, but by pure, inexplicable luck escaped harm numerous times (even to be impossibly reunited with a deceased loved one by day's end). It was a close call; and you know what else? I swear to god, though even now no one will believe me... I saw L. Ron Hubbard standing, hiding behind a lamp post.

Needless to say I was late for work, and they were none-too-happy, brain-raping Tom Cruise or no.

An inexcusably horrible story, but a perfect way to flow into this fabulous one:

Tom Cruise sparks 'alien' panic

And I'm sorry, but this picture never stops getting funnier (courtesy of The Gawker, which coincidentally, is what he looks like):

As Gross as it Gets

There is a lizard in my dad's computer room and it's blending in with the brown carpet.

Quiz time: what's more disgusting than a lizard running around loose inside your home?..

Brown carpet.